how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
