Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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