THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
