I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
