Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
