I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
