You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
