I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize