then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
