I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
