Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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