the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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