I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
