If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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