I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
