Jerry, you need to find god
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
