Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
