Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
