I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
