Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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