nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
the liver wants what the liver wants
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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