I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
