dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize