I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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