So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
