Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
