He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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