i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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