***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
