Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
