I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
