My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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