I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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