just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
