am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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