It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
