the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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