all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I didn't notice because vodka
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
