That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
