i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
