I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
