I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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