Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
