if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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