just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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