bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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