Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
