that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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