You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
