i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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