I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
