I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
