He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
