Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
