she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize