Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
