just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
