I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize