Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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