We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
