I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
