lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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