did you get engaged???
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
is this the sara with the beer cane?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize