My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
