Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
