doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
