Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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