Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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