Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Come share oat with me in your robe
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
