wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
