Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize